Series: Things that are pointless on river trips, #6

Being a vegetarian on a river trip is pretty much pointless. Rafting has changed the way people eat in the outdoors and it should be for the better. With our large coolers we can carry just about anything, which really just means copious amounts of bacon. Let's face it: when we float pigs die.

Many a vegetarian has changed his or her mind partway through a river trip. "Ok, I don't normally eat a 16 oz steak but just this once..." Or, my favorite, "I guess I should try some bacon."

Vegetarian Recipe of the Day:

1) Take a lot of bacon and cook it up. Remove from pan but leave the heat on and the bacon grease in the pan.
2) Place block of tofu in sizzling bacon grease.
3) Yum, this is good tofu.

Series: Things that are pointless on river trips, #5

Your Expensive College Text Book

Do not ever bring your $250 college text book on the river. This would be pointless. First of all, you're probably not ever going to open it. As much as you would like to believe that you are a great student... you're not. Sure, you legitimized going on the trip by bringing your text book, but that doesn't mean you're going to open it.

Instead, you will pull it out just before you go to sleep (because it's on top of your tooth brush), you'll set it in the tent next to you, and then you will fall asleep. Little do you know that at 1:30 in the morning there will be a torrential downpour and, because you drank too much beer (instead of studying), you're tent is not adequately prepared. You will wake at 4:00 AM to find yourself in a three inch puddle of water. Your text book will be floating next to you, completely ruined. You will not be able to sell it back to the school and you are now thoroughly disappointed in yourself as well as broke since you had to purchase a second copy.

OK - been there, done that, moving on now...

Series: Things that are pointless on river trips, #4

Cast Iron Pans and Cast Iron Dutch Ovens

Do not bring cast iron on a river trip. Ever. This would be pointless. It weighs a ton and really doesn't make a difference when it comes to cooking, even with dutch ovens. Use kitchen stuff that is aluminum and light... or just anything that is lighter than cast iron. If you are worried about getting Alzheimer's because of aluminum then stop drinking beer out of aluminum cans. If you do bring cast iron then clean it yourself by whatever magical method you have of cleaning cast iron. And then carry it down to the boat yourself. HINT: cast iron dutch ovens are great to tie your boat off to... but keep them out of the kitchen!